Monday, April 9, 2018

why it's so difficult?
is it my mind?
or does it my attitude?
why?
why does it need to feel like,
it's easier to kill me than working on it?
why?
what is it that i can't force myself to set my mind to just freaking do it...

Monday, March 12, 2018

Last year (up till today) , I can conclude that what we wanted most , somehow, in most twisted faith, you won't get it, but in another absurd  twisted faith (too), you'll get what you avoid the most. if we viewed this form a positive side, this should teach you the word 'redha',grow you as a person, make you stronger and more-whatever- positive- shit that should come from this , but from the opposite view, FUCK this.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Monday, February 5, 2018

trying to float positively when negativity keeps drowning me.
breathe.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

adapting.
there are some parts that, difficult.
some are easy.
some, i just don't want to know anymore.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Saturday, December 9, 2017

on time and waiting.

let me tell you something about her, and time and waiting.
she was good at waiting, patiently, on not letting the time consumed her feelings.
it was way back, when she was small, she was raised up, to wait, for everything.
let me make it short, the least on scale 0 of  it-was-not-the-worst.
there was one time, nobody was there that she could call for help, she was 13 years old, a young girl trying to adult herself in living life even though all she wanted was for people to treat her as a baby girl, spoiled brat. Of course it was just her dream.She called this person to come and fetch her, and I think that person was busy and asked her to wait, half an hour was the promise. But being her, she knew, it was longer. So there she was, waiting. Hot, sweating, hungry and above all, scared. 11.00 a.m turned to 11.30 a.m, turned to 1 p.m, to 2 p.m, and next hours. She was there,sitting patiently by the side of a busy road and maybe some little very short crying. By almost 7.00 p.m, at last someone was there to get her. Tadaa, happy ending.

So, she is growing up with a mind of don't let others wait for you. She tries her very best, to not let anybody she promised to wait. She tries to make everyone feels important, to set aside their worries, to let them know, she will always there for them if they need her. Anytime.

and the reason why she can get a little crazy (which not that crazy, just some tears coming down and emotions ride on the roller coaster for 15 minutes the longest, shorter if you make a joke about it, she is not that serious).

An hour late could do damage to the smallest part of her heart when earlier you said otherwise, without any solid reasons can make her cry. Damn just like that. I'm confused too. But, for that to happen so many times, you can make her heart break.

Today, her heart broke, she thought she is an important part to others too, but well you guess right, who give a damn. So, she said the only thing she always said, it's okay, and move on. Time will not always be bitter.