i don't know how to trust people that come into my life.
i don't easily do that.

but if you want to run, run.
far away.

you don't have to deal with this.

i wish i could stop working .
and travel, like all the time.

stressful life.

i want to be happy. i do.
i work for it. very hard.
i try. damn hard.
but life makes it impossible.
i don't even know which is better now,
giving up or keep trying.

too much thinking.
too little doing.

i will be going to somewhere by the end of this year with few of my friends (since the rest are tied to husbands-did-not-give-permission attachment ;p). the only thing this year that keeps me going (and kind of happy) is thinking about it, as well as writing up the itinerary. how alive am i while doing all the researches about the places, foods, and all related. god, i could work up till 7 hours without a break (imagine if i were to be this passionate on my career, i would be writing a book or doing PhD by now). hopefully the trip would be the safe one and we would enjoy every single second of it and maybe, getting lost here and there (can you feel the excitement?!)

on everything

it's hard for me lately.
everything. home. work. relationship in general. my life in general. it feels like everything is trying to knock me down, real hard.tears are constant company that sooth me to: i can do this, this is a small matter, there are thousands out there fighting in war just to keep them alive for another day, thousands outside of my world are fighting for a glass of clean water. this is small. i said to my self almost every morning, you'll feel great again tomorrow, but little did i know, this small matter, i let it consumes me. Rotting a part of me each day.

Wake up.Now.