i want you,
to be my beginning, and
i want you,
to be my only ending.

and i want every-us
in between.

nadi aku seperti mahu berhenti.

dan jantung aku seperti juga enggan lagi berdetak.

hati aku juga seperti sudah mahu mati.

apa lagi?

aku sendiri masih tercari.

Tuhan,

aku penat.

dalam tubuh sendiri.

dalam akal sendiri.

dalam jiwa sendiri.

dalam rasa sendiri.

Tuhan,

hentikan semua.

aku sudah hilang pedoman.

been writing too much.

been exposing too much.

been stupid too long.

i can't be sad or happy,
i tend to fall into an
unknown territory, where
the only allowed feeling to feel
is pain.

how can i still stand in

a space that has so many gravities

pulling me in every direction?

i do not understand.

and,

yet, how can i be such a

non - equilibrium being that keep

falling into an insignificant space,

hitting every existing wall,

and making a bigger

insignificant space to fall into?

i do not understand.

it is hard to be happy,
i don't know what
went wrong,
or what it is that is wrong,

i can't steer the handle.

saturdays were the worst

                             -Park

mondays were the best

                      -Eleanor