i had this down shit of hell life here,

i kind of knocked it down in a hard way 

before i could put this smile on my face,

a real smile, no poker face.

you want to know how?

i tell you,

get your shit over,

because the last thing you want

is to look pathetic 

and get all the attention 

for your suck up face and 

whatever shit moods you have.

knock it down, 

a hard way or other way round.

sweep clean your own shit.

life is a bit shitty isn't it?

you deal with your mess,

you create it at the first place.

it does not come rolling out of nowhere.

could this be a poem?

i have always fall in love with you,

since the second we met.

since our names in the same page of paper,

since we passed each other walking down and up the stairs,

since i always looked out for a glimpse of you during the assembly,

since i knew your favourite band,

since i saw you ran all your might to win the race, and still was the last person to reach the line,

since we ate breakfast  for the first time, i could not swallow anything,

since the first time were in the same group,

since the first time you taught me math,

since the first time i borrowed you my pen,

since i peeked you playing the ball,

since you drew me a cartoon, and said it was me,

since you gave me a broken glass key chain,

since i got your name for the exchange present,

since i ran to almost every store in town for a perfect birthday present,
since you wore the shirt,you took my breath for few seconds,

since i cried cause you smiled in other pictures but not mine,

since you bravely stood up and read those old bored poem of history,

since you got mad for the first time,and kicked that damn basket,

since you kept silent when you were raged on,

since you wore that black baju melayu, and play the most unimportant role on stage,
since the shirt looked ridiculously small yet handsomely on you,

since you walked lazily to class, but still never miss any,

since you smiled so broadly when you scored in physic,

since you,

always remind me of flying dragonflies in the field when the rain starts to pour down slowly, embracing the moment,the clouds look so fluffy and pretty, i walk thousand miles till i found you, and it is enough, i couldn't ask for more.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i keep writing like the world is going to end tomorrow.

i write in my book, i write in almost every piece of paper i found, and i am typing here.

i keep on wanting to write, to make what my mind thinks permanent. something is wrong or maybe it is just right and i just being excessively, thinking too much than needed. it was long ago since this feeling is around me. the feeling, the feeling that makes me floating around, leisurely living my life without much to think about, writing whatever things that cross my mind, remembering everyone i love, remembering how to laugh, laughing over silly things that don't appear to be much funny, and listening to every song that reminds me of some good, old things. it feels like i'm falling in love with my self. too much isn't it? :)

someday, when the courage comes,
i'll just pack my things and fly here,alone.

the grand canyon.

love hard, fight harder. -travis maddox-

when hate meets love,
when love meets hate,
i just love how everything falls apart,
and how the wall rising hard and tall,
i just love how everything collides,
and i just love how everything makes up,
and at the end,
it is only,
'i love you' that's matter.

and happily ever after.

lately, when I think of love,
i wish to fall in love with a man who is overly protective,
who is completely has an obsession towards me,
a man who is damn dangerous when you reach his temper except his woman,
a man who turns 360 when it comes to me,
a man who always wants to wake up next to me,
he that thinks i look sexy right after waking up,
a man that declares to world, he's mine.
and always loves to hear from me,
'I'm yours'

Impulsive me.

things that keep me bouncing today:

1) bought a book for RM8 using coupon, and absolutely love the story

2) bought a pair of shoes where the guilt was hanging around it

3) celebrating one's big day, and got her a pair of shoes

    -which suddenly enlisted in my next things to buy-

4) ate till i vomited, and most of it=mutton

5) kept bumping with polices the whole night, love this!

6) the whole day, i could hear the sound of laughing, the one thing i love the most,

biarkan saja

kaki kita semua

bertebar dimana-mana

i wish i knew what kind of person you are,

i wish i knew what kind of mind you think,

i wish i knew what kind of heart you have,

but those wishes are now ashes,

when you tell lies,

one time, and another,

and each time i said to myself,

forgive,

find the reason,

but that each time, is now too much,

i lose control.

sometimes, a dream can be so expensive,
it stays as a dream,
and sometimes a dream can be ridiculous,
it stays as a dream.
and sometimes,
it simply just because you are not a right person,
to a right dream,

you are simply forbidden.

stand still on your ground.
acknowledge your strength.
respect your weakness.

in life, there is always a line.
you should know when to cross,
or when to retreat.

"hatred would have been easier. 

with hatred, I would have known what to do.

hatred is clear, metallic,one-handed, unwavering ; 

unlike love". Margaret Atwood.

read good book.
it fixes the broken window,
of how you view things.

and i wish people stopped remind me something i have lost
and started talking about something i love.
or maybe encouraged me to get over my fear,
or maybe showed me that there were so much of little things here
to be grateful for,to be cherished for,
or maybe, i just wish things were queit.
or maybe simply stopped mentioning something i did not want to remember anymore.

because i am, barely hang on in this little world that seems so far from its end.