no.
time is not a cure.

hi dad.
i'll be better.
i'll be that young boy you told me.
i'm practising.
beating myself to be one.
it was too late that time,
i'm sorry, but i'll be better.
i hate you dad.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.

that i was too late.
that i was young.

that i ignored.

hi dad.
i miss you.

hi mom.
i'll see you real soon.

hi sis.
be happy.

hi bro.
be good.

hi sis.
i love you.

hi nephews.
i hate you all.

hi nieces.
miss me?

 

all i want.for this critical moment.
don't give up.

17 September.

i wish that the cloud was so white against the bluest sky,
as you look up, all you see is cloud.

Cloud.

the second thing that is very dear to
me would be words,but too sad,
i still searching if one day,
i could put words beautifully as
roses arrangement for dinner,
and at the same time my thought
on it is strong, as it ties the arrangement
neatly to be standing on the table.

it is depressing isn't it to compare what others are,

and what you are not,

or what they live with, and what you live without,

but, yeah life is such a bitch,

as your heart desires what can't be yours.

dream big?work hard?

good luck with that.

maybe after 40 years, you will make it,

the life of your dream.

as some people were born with it.

sorry for such negativity.

i guess i had such a bad day,

everything seems,not right,

and i have no one to pick a fight with.

good thing,
is happening.

well,
you know,
i smile.

because you never wanted to look deep into these eyes of mine,
to see what it was that bleed this heart of mine,
the sole reason behinds of many reasons.

that i lose you.

sometimes,
you could have thousand feelings, imagine million things, what would happen if certain things in life did not happen, what would it be if we took the chance or if we were not,
but at the end, nothing turn out to be what or how it supposedly be.
at the end, everything is just a blur motion. a plain blank motion.
and sometimes we are lost,
in between racing toward tomorrow and looking back at the past, in searching for who we are and what we are now, in determining who to love or who to hate, in making decision between a plate of chicken or a plate of beef. all we are just a little lost in between things,

sometimes.
it does make a difference.

remember?
the first time our eyes
made love to each other,
the beat of this heart
of mine
was crazy,
the uneven breathing
of getting the air into my
lung was,
crazy,
all was crazy,
all was chaotic,
but nothing less,
than beautiful,

you,
broke the contact,and
walked away.

leaving me with the
traces of love at first sight,
and i swear,
i lost in this maze map you left me
with.