I've gotten used to live my life alone. I lived my childhood alone, my ravaged teen years alone and half of the adulthood alone. I walked many difficult paths alone, solitary war between me and life. I was not like many,yet I believed many were like me, it was just we were the unknown, who never had the luxury of having people to offer us an umbrella when the rain fell hard, I got rained all over. I lived my young life with struggle that loneliness and love will be the last two things that I would need, and I won, being alone and I proved life I was not lonely. I took my life in a direction it was supposed to be, even some part did get swayed away but I managed.

Now I am here, in my middle 20s,
Sometimes, I'm not very sure of my self. When it comes to personal matters, my confidence dims like a moon far away. I need you to understand that. I have insecurities, embedded in many parts of my life. I need you to understand that. I have past scars,permanently and perfectly tattooed , I couldn't get rid of them no matter how much I try, the only choice left is to make peace and live together guarded by a thin line of sanity to keep my mind sane enough. I need you to understand that.

I'm used to be alone, not having my decisions and feelings attach to others. Attachment is something strange and unfamiliar cell that suddenly twists the way how my brain usually functions. I become someone unfamiliar to my self, I feel trapped in a labyrinth to get to know you. It is a maze I lost myself. I need you to see me the way I am but you built the wall so solidly strong and high, I hurt myself more each time I try to put force against it. I need you to tell me, we'll walk through this, I need you to understand.

But I get it, you won't. and that's okay.