It is September now, how time flies.
It means , it has been almost 9 months I'm back (for good I hope),
things change in a way I least imagined it before.
Definitely, there are some goods things happened no matter how
much I feel bad about everything.
Too much negativity huh?
Trying myself to beat the norm.
Positivity is a state of mind, and my mind is no where near that,
thus, the struggle is hard.
Working and hoping for a better me soon.

to a future me,

i want you to know that you are strong despite of sleepless nights, despite of emotional baggage that rips off the peace in your soul, that everything is out of place, that everything doesn't do you any favour. i want you to know that you are one hell strong woman. keep it that way.

why it's so difficult?
is it my mind?
or does it my attitude?
why?
why does it need to feel like,
it's easier to kill me than working on it?
why?
what is it that i can't force myself to set my mind to just freaking do it...

Last year (up till today) , I can conclude that what we wanted most , somehow, in most twisted faith, you won't get it, but in another absurd  twisted faith (too), you'll get what you avoid the most. if we viewed this form a positive side, this should teach you the word 'redha',grow you as a person, make you stronger and more-whatever- positive- shit that should come from this , but from the opposite view, FUCK this.

this pull and push thing between us is bad.

trying to float positively when negativity keeps drowning me.
breathe.

adapting.
there are some parts that, difficult.
some are easy.
some, i just don't want to know anymore.